maybe my two year old should have a blog instead of me.

From the mouth of my two and a half year old son...

This morning my son requested, "brussel sprouts with garlic sauce," for breakfast.

This morning I stepped over the heat vent which caused my skirt to balloon out. My son who was watching asked, "What happened to your skirt?" I responded, "The heater vent is blowing it." After a few seconds watching he commented, "Oh, that makes you look like a princess."

Today my son was standing up at the table and fell over in my plate of food. Then he exclaimed, "Hey! Your plate tripped me!"

Yesterday I offered my son a sticker for his potty chart after he went potty successfully. He responded, "No thanks, I'm actually into candy."

just a spoon full of sugar, that is all it takes.

Just another day at the office…

Let’s say that your average work day is from 7am to 8pm. You work alone from 8 to 5. You do however have a coworker who is there from 5pm to 8pm and from 7am to about 7:50am. Not only is he quite helpful he’s quite attractive which is a bonus! Unfortunately, you are not really alone from 7:50 to 5pm. You have other co “workers”  who while being better looking than you (even in their jammies) do not follow the dress code, do not care to keep the work load distributed evenly, and have emotional problems.

For instance, my coworkers spend a lot of time whining and complaining. While this is common in any work place many employees can at least retreat to the bathroom for some much needed peace and quiet. Not so with me. Every trip to the bathroom the complaints and yes even crying get louder. My coworkers also complain about my lack of efficiency and job quality. Yesterday I diced vegetables and chicken and scrambled eggs to make homemade fried rice for lunch. Let’s compare this to a presentation one might spend hours preparing at work. I arrived and put my offering on the table for review. My coworker took one look at my presentation and crumpled out of his chair and onto the floor wailing, “I dooooooonnn’t  waaaaaaannnnnt THIS!” in disdain. Why can’t I read a story and make lunch at the same time? Why am I not capable of filling a sippie cup and changing a diaper at the same time? Can’t I look all over the house for Nana (blankie) while doing laundry/grocery shopping/bathing children/ arguing with children/beating children ummm I digress sorry anyway back to the office.  

My coworkers show public disapproval of many of my ideas…Naptime? “NOOOOOO!” Diaper change? “NOOOOOO!” Healthy snack instead of Christmas/Halloween/ Valentine’s day/ Easter candy? NOOOOOOOO!” Time to cleanup? "NOOOOOO!" One of my coworkers actually volunteered to take a nap rather than cleanup with me today. When they are not vocalizing their dislike they are generally pretending like they don’t hear me at all. After spending all day fighting tooth and nail with my coworkers to complete one project (say cleaning the toy room for instance) I am forced to point out to my favorite coworker when he arrives at 5ish that it takes a lot of work to “maintain the mess” at the level it was at when he left at 7:50 this morning. I have been working all day just to keep it from getting any messier than when he left! The dishes are stacked no higher in the sink than when he left (a little artful arranging plus a trip to Wendy’s for lunch took care of that), there aren’t anymore toys on the floor than there were this morning (only because we don’t own anymore toys to put on the floor and I staunchly resisted Sam’s efforts at Target to get me to buy him another dollar toy), and the children are just as dirty as when he left (they’ve had two baths and numerous hand and face washing). A job well done! Time for a new job? I think not. Time for a raise? Definitely!