Potty Training 101

A number of people have asked me recently for potty training tips. For those of you who don't know I worked for eight years in early childhood education before having my first child.  So here's what I know:

1. Ignore all those people who say your child has to be forty and emotionally secure or he might be scarred for life if you try before he is ready. The only person who will be scarred after potty training is you and possibly your furniture and carpet. Potty training is way more about where you are than where your child is. My recommended age is between 2 1/2 and 3 (as the starting point). Earlier is harder, later is harder, though depending on the child I've heard earlier can work but I have little personal experience there. Once your child is older he/she has discovered what a good deal they've got going and may resist potty training because they prefer having you do the dirty work. Are you at a time or position in life where you are ready to take the next step towards Christlike patience and charity? Or are you currently blowing up at every little thing? Consider this before you embark on the potty training journey! Kids are kids and potty training is no joke. It requires consistent compassion (otherwise known as steel nerves).

2. For children potty training is all about independence. I can not tell you how many parents are still carrying around their large child and wondering why he/she will not potty! Start asking your child to do things for himself such as take his plate to the sink, dress himself, wash his hands, wipe his nose, clean up toys, strap himself in the carseat, etc. Teach him how to do these things. Show him how instead of doing it for him. Your child should be able to get from naked to fully dressed including a simple jacket and slip on or velcro shoes after a few days (two weeks tops) of help. Realize that this means he will also be able to go from fully dressed to naked, but that is okay. That's just a part of being three. Some children enjoy having personal slaves, I mean parents. If your child is one of these invite him to do independence building activities like spreading jam/butter on bread with a butter knife for each family member(give him a dollop then move the jar: ), washing fruits or vegetables,  turning off the TV, sweeping, picking clothes out for a younger sibling and himself, opening the van door, etc. In  other words fun chores. Start incorporating less fun but necessary chores after a few days when he has gotten used to you asking him to do things.
 to be continued....

party like a what, what?

Hi. I'd like to establish (or solidify) my nerdy-ness once and for all. I don't like the current "Rockstar" craze. Unfortunately, its hard to find even binkies (I'm not kidding on this one people) that aren't trying to be cool these days! As President Faust said, "There is a certain irony in the fact that some parents are so anxious for their children to be accepted by and be popular with their peers; yet these same parents fear that their children may be doing the things their peers are doing."  Why, tell me why, would I want my 2 year old to EVER "Party like a RockStar"? No, its not just because he's two. I don't want him to when he's twenty two or forty two (please note the use of the word EVER). Not only do I not want him to ever party like a rockstar, I also don't ever want him to BE a rock star. Think about the kids you knew in high school who were the closest to becoming real rockers in adulthood...go ahead...I really want you to actually picture them in your mind...now think of the ones who never actually grew out of it...Is that what you want your kids to live like when they're forty. And then there are the actual World famous Rock icons and legends of Guitar Hero. While I will say some rockstars are incredibly talented people (I'd say about 50 percent), most if not all are also incredibly disturbed people. I can't think of any that aren't. Let me know if you do. I mean "Future Rockstar" toddler shirts? Yes, my greatest hope is that one day my child will discover great musical talent, stop showering, sleep around, do drugs, drink heavily, get tatoo-ed and pierced, play in front of sold out crowds screaming his name and then eventually die from a drug overdose or sexually transmitted disease.

Now don't get me wrong, I like to play Rockband and Guitar Hero with my brother and sister in law. I'm actually pretty good. But may I be so absurd as to suggest that maybe this is an adult game? Maybe kids shouldn't be singing along word for word lyrics about being high and having sex. For older kids it might be a good time to point out how sad the lyrics are and how deeply troubled the minds and/or hearts are of the people they represent. Producing a beautiful piece of art does not change who they are and it does not make their lifestyle into one that they can enjoy. Many things combine to make their lives look much better than they really are while moms scrub toilets and wipe noses, but in reality many of the rich and famous are very sad and lonely people just looking for joy in all the wrong places. So I'd like to say to my kid and children everywhere, loudly even--"NO! DO NOT 'Party like a RockStar!' They are partying to forget. I want you to live a life whose memories bring you comfort and joy and peace not one whose falsehoods you need to drink or inject away." That's it I am going out to start a line of clothes and binkies and gear all emblazoned with the creed, "Party like a Mormon!"

Wearing my mother's wisdom

Let me begin by saying that my mother is an original in every sense of the word. I have lived in Connecticut, New York, Arkansas, and Utah. I have been to 24 of the 50 states and I have never, ever met anyone like my mother. That said, I am learning as I grow older how much I would like to be like her in many important ways. Many times we are frustrated with our parents for dressing us in hand-me-down wisdom and old fashioned insight when we want to go out in what's new and hip. Time's have changed! Here's the thing-- you can't change the way you were raised. It covers you like a cloak til one day, when you're all grown up with kids of your own (who argue with you nonstop) you look down and discover you've been wearing pearls all along.
One of the things I learned from my mother is that you don't have to be the perfect parent, you just have to try really hard. And keep trying. One day your children will understand (and appreciate) your sincere effort not your perfection. Everyone has to at least respect a person of principle, someone who lives what they believe. My mother never told me this. I learned it from my own attitude towards her. One day at around twenty one years of age I turned around and said, "What would make someone live that hard?" "What could make someone give and go and do and be from sun up to sundown (and her candle goeth not out by night Proverbs 31:18) everyday of her life?" She understood something my heart did not. But her example spoke to my soul and that is why I am where I am today. I went through the storm, not quite prodigal but not the easiest kid, either. Now I try to wear her wisdom proudly. Its what she deserves.


Quotes that inspire my parenting and remind me of my Mama:
"Parents who love their children cannot afford to be intimidated by them."  --Elder Larry R. Lawrence
“Parenting is not a popularity contest.”  --Elder Joe J. Christensen
“Sometimes we are afraid of our children—afraid to counsel with them for fear of offending them.'    --Elder Robert D. Hales
Courageous Parenting Article--  http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-1298-30,00.html