Thoughts in response to a facebook article;
I think as parents we all need to define success and then go for it. My husband and I have discussed what successfully raising our children means to us and we hope that they will be able to create and sustain meaningful, loving eternal relationships and faithfully overcome adversity. Having goals helps us not get distracted by all the other good things and go for the best!
Our oldest is a genius and could be in school full time with extended hours and tutors and lots of educational electronics and such. Letting him do what is easiest for him would not prepare him for the trials that are to come in his life. And they will come. So we choose to limit his screen time (he does play computer games and watch TV and is learning to write websites) so that he is forced to interact with his brothers (and us). And they fight and argue constantly but I have great hope that working through this will make him something better than a good employee or ceo. Something better than a nobel prize winner. A good husband and father who doesn't give up!
As I have studied parenting I often ask myself what is this person's view of parental success? Most worldly parenting experts figure their kid will smoke a little weed, sleep around a bit, and then enter Ivy league schools. Raising adults who are "fulfilled" is their goal. I want to raise someone who serves, who loves, and who consecrates. I have to be an intentional parent if I want that to happen. We set limits and verbally say all the time, people are more important than things. Its crazy how many people think I'm vegan, never cut my hair, and don't drive on Sundays just b/c I limit my kids electronics! Only slightly kidding here! Our fellow parents need support as they try to reach their parenting goals, not flack for setting limits that work for their family. We're parents. Setting limits is what we do. When I taught parenting classes we started with the question, "What are some words you would like for people to use when they describe your child(ren) when they are adults? I would suggest every couple do this. How would your child's spouse describe them? Their children? Their boss? Their co-workers? Their friends? Their parents? Their in-laws?
I happen to be married to someone who has turned out pretty near perfect and who everyone who knows him (from casual acquaintance on up) would describe in a very complimentary way. People want to be like him. I want to be like him and one of the reasons is because he has disciplined himself. He often goes against his natural inclination and chooses what helps him become who he wants to become. He is not about "being me" He is focused on becoming someone better and doing what is right. With this kind of development in mind many things (including electronics) can be used to reach our goals. Practicing a sport can help kids develop tenacity and determination. Winning and losing can help develop humility. Art can help develop perspective and appreciation and a work ethic (think a project that takes several days or weeks and eventual turns out amazing as opposed to something just hastily done that is less satisfying). Its all in the perspective we convey--Are they becoming a football player? Or are they becoming a mature person? Kids don't have to be anything. They are learning and growing and will learn more and grow more if we don't marry them to one thing. For some reason in this country it is all about what you will be which greatly frustrates me! My son could be (one of his past goals) a garbage truck driver and as long as he is kind and good I will be happy.
In summary:
Figure out what kind of person you hope your kids become (Loyal, trustworthy, honest, full of gratitude, etc.)
Set limits and explore with them to help them get there. You'll be surprised how God develops you along the way!
