Dear Little Rock,

Dear Little Rock,

Some hard things have been happening in my life and it has come out in my driving and in my shopping and in my dining and so I am writing you this letter to thank you. You see last year my perfectly healthy happy three year old did not want to go trick or treating. Yeah. We took him to the doctor. He was diagnosed with leukemia. He had never been to the hospital before. We were admitted and spent our first month there. Unfortunately, he needed a bone marrow transplant and he didn’t make it to receiving one. He died at age four this summer. For the last 10 months I have cut you off in traffic and glanced over after realizing only to see you smile and wave me in.  I have gone 50 on the freeway and you have quietly gone around me without honking or flipping me off. I have sat through green lights without a single person in a long line of cars honking at me. My 1 year old has lain on the floor at a popular restaurant and cried. You have asked if you could give him a sucker. After my son came home on hospice he wanted to go out to eat at IHOP. You over heard me explaining to the manager why we needed to sit in the closed section of the restaurant (immune- suppression from chemotherapy) and you paid for my family’s meal. You have told me you would pray for me. From social security case workers to car insurance agents to the lady whose car I hit in Hot Springs you have prayed for me and I wanted you to know that what you have done for us is irreplaceable. You see sometimes someone’s world is crumbling and they are searching for a break. Somewhere something in life has to ease up or they might not make it. So thanks for not being too hard on me during a time when the last thing I was thinking about was driving. Your kindness has propped up my broken world. And I thank you.

Sincerely,

A mom from Arkansas Children’s Hospital

I feel that I should blog. Its been a while. Many, many things have been turning over and over in my mind. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Potty training. Judging based on the content of one's character. Joy. Happiness. Understanding. Peace. The scriptures speak of people whose eyes cannot see afar off. Can mine? The scriptures speak of understanding with your heart and thus becoming converted. According to these verses Christ will heal us if only we will understand. With our hearts. I want the Lord to teach my heart something that the rest of me is too wise to understand.

"The abundant life is a spiritual life. Too many sit at the banquet table of the gospel of Jesus Christ and merely nibble at the feast placed before them. They go through the motions—attending their meetings perhaps, glancing at scriptures, repeating familiar prayers—but their hearts are far away. If they are honest, they would admit to being more interested in the latest neighborhood rumors, stock market trends, and their favorite TV show than they are in the supernal wonders and sweet ministerings of the Holy Spirit.

Do you wish to partake of this living water and experience that divine well springing up within you to everlasting life?

Then be not afraid. Believe with all your hearts. Develop an unshakable faith in the Son of God. Let your hearts reach out in earnest prayer. Fill your minds with knowledge of Him. Forsake your weaknesses. Walk in holiness and harmony with the commandments."

I've really been stuck on the Bishop's comments the other night at Relief Society. What makes us happy? What keeps us from being happy?  
Is what makes you happy also what keeps you from being happy sometimes? Or does it seem that way at least?

I greatly desire the abundant life, so why don't I just sit down and eat? If my two year old would just sit down and eat with his fork and spoon and if my ten month old would stop screaming and if my husband  would stop helping little old ladies across the street so he could get home while the banquet is still warm. And what about all these dishes? Which reminds me I only made it to Kroger's and Walmart  today which means I didn't get the dishwasher detergent at Sam's Club which means I am going to have to wash all these dishes by hand! Does everyone really need a salad fork AND a dinner fork? That's it! I'm going to Wendy's! And so it goes (at least in my life). Anyone got any help out there for me? What if you really want it, but you really do have to grocery shop, clean house, change diapers, cook breakfast lunch  and dinner, do dishes, do laundry, etc. too?  Advice? Ideas?

Wearing my mother's wisdom

Let me begin by saying that my mother is an original in every sense of the word. I have lived in Connecticut, New York, Arkansas, and Utah. I have been to 24 of the 50 states and I have never, ever met anyone like my mother. That said, I am learning as I grow older how much I would like to be like her in many important ways. Many times we are frustrated with our parents for dressing us in hand-me-down wisdom and old fashioned insight when we want to go out in what's new and hip. Time's have changed! Here's the thing-- you can't change the way you were raised. It covers you like a cloak til one day, when you're all grown up with kids of your own (who argue with you nonstop) you look down and discover you've been wearing pearls all along.
One of the things I learned from my mother is that you don't have to be the perfect parent, you just have to try really hard. And keep trying. One day your children will understand (and appreciate) your sincere effort not your perfection. Everyone has to at least respect a person of principle, someone who lives what they believe. My mother never told me this. I learned it from my own attitude towards her. One day at around twenty one years of age I turned around and said, "What would make someone live that hard?" "What could make someone give and go and do and be from sun up to sundown (and her candle goeth not out by night Proverbs 31:18) everyday of her life?" She understood something my heart did not. But her example spoke to my soul and that is why I am where I am today. I went through the storm, not quite prodigal but not the easiest kid, either. Now I try to wear her wisdom proudly. Its what she deserves.


Quotes that inspire my parenting and remind me of my Mama:
"Parents who love their children cannot afford to be intimidated by them."  --Elder Larry R. Lawrence
“Parenting is not a popularity contest.”  --Elder Joe J. Christensen
“Sometimes we are afraid of our children—afraid to counsel with them for fear of offending them.'    --Elder Robert D. Hales
Courageous Parenting Article--  http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-1298-30,00.html

Eat your leftovers!

I don't like leftovers!

No, I'm not talking about men, I'm talking about food. It does not matter what kind they are or how good the food was originally.

I don't want it after day one.

Why is this blog worthy, you ask. Because I'm pretty sure the eating of leftovers (or not) is a small symbol of a much bigger issue. I'm almost positive that people who willingly, wait let me change that to happily/joyfully eat leftovers get to go through the pearly gates express lane. You know the line where they don't ask you any questions, they just open the door and let you in. I think liking leftovers has some kind of large but inscrutable connection to being a humble person. My husband likes leftovers. I know people who absolutely love leftovers. I bet Mother Theresa ate leftovers all the time. So did Martin Luther King Jr., Ghandi, Moses, President Hinckley, and a host of other saintly people! Here's my problem: On the nights when I don't feel like cooking I doubly don't feel like something icky out of the fridge, I feel like P.F. Chang. See pride issue. Also the only reason I can see that I should start trying to like leftovers is because we definitely can not have Braden getting into heaven that much easier than me...see another pride issue. After reading President Monson's talk on gratitude  http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-1298-27,00.html I decided it is time for a change of attitude. President Monson is the president and prophet of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. He knows how to be happy and he knows what we need to do to be happy. And he probably enjoys leftovers...