Imagine for a moment that someone who you do not know very well but have tried to get to know and to trust takes your child.
You have been told he will be well taken care of, better than even you yourself can take care of him. And you want to believe it. You hope that it is true. But knowledge is not there just faith.
You know where your child is and you think you know how to get there.
You have other children. You have a spouse. So what do you do?
I would like to propose that anyone in this situation would willingly leave their spouse with their other children and go to catch just a glimpse of their child in their new home. Just a peek through the window or a second watching them play through a hole in the fence.
It doesn't mean you don't love your other children or your spouse. Most of us wouldn't even leave one of our children for a weekend (it just feels better when all the kids are together at least even if you're not there) and if we did we would call and check on them ALL the time.
This is why "counting your blessings" or "having other kids" does not make child loss easier. This is one of the many reasons why many parents have thoughts of dying themselves after child loss. I am supposed to believe with every fiber of my being, in fact I need to believe or else I won't survive mentally, that my child is in a better place free from pain and sorrow. One of the most precious things I have ever possessed has moved on and I am supposed to now enjoy the rest of my life in this fallen world? It is hard to trust. It is hard to allow yourself to love or become attached or to care. Some people never do again.
If someone you know is experiencing child loss, whether it be right now or decades ago, you have been given a sacred opportunity to minister unto they that mourn. They need someone to say, "I don't understand. Teach me." As a matter of fact in the political and cultural turmoil that we find ourselves in today we all need to be approaching police officers and their families, black males, illegal immigrants, gays and lesbians, those who support traditional marriage, those of differing faith, those of differing political parties and saying, "I don't understand, teach me." If someone approached you this way would you return the favor after explaining your perspective?
My point is you don't know how it feels. And you won't unless you ask. I have a friend from the hospital whose son died 4 months before my son. So about 9 months ago. I had never experienced child loss. Even though my son was terminal at the time it was not at all like actual death. I regret some of the things I said to her. She recently posted a picture of herself at his grave with a caption saying she used to spend up to 11 hours a day there instead of with her 5 year old who was still alive. I should have just asked. You don't understand how many people are at their breaking point. How many people have just left the cemetery or the hospital or wherever. How many people need mercy. It is okay to not know what to say. It is okay not to know how to fix it. It can't be fixed in this life anyway. Let the lower light be burning. It's Christmas after all.
Matthew 5:7 Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
