One of the hardest parts (for me) of child loss is truly understanding the mortality of my children. I understand, like no one can who has has not lost a child, that sometimes kids die. I understand that we are not owed an explanation or a warning. I understand that some things are preventable and somethings are not. I understand that everything-- Everything can change in an instant. And you know what? I don't want to understand. I don't want my kid to know that sometimes God helps people find their lost shoe or their lost keys and sometimes He lets their little brother die. But my kid knows. And I know. And that's life. We want to think that life is what you make of it but sometimes its not. Sometimes it just is. Sometimes no matter how you slice them those lemons just won't give you a single drop of lemonade. Sometimes there is no light. The reality of all this can knock me down with hopelessness and doubt and I will admit sometimes I am laying on the ground hurting too bad to do anything but suck air and cry. But I promise myself and I promise my kids I. Will. Not. Quit. There is too much at stake. It is time we taught our kids to never give up on their spirits as much as we tell them to never give up on their dreams! You want to know what is real? You get down on your knees and you make God show you! I may be broken but I will not bend. God-- I am standing here and I' staying here. I will wait. I will pray. I will search the scriptures and I will believe. I refuse to let darkness win. There will be a light. #Imstilllookingup
A project I just finished painting
